I was super negative!

I recently wrote caption on Instagram about why I changed from being negative and explosive to a more positive and energetic version of myself. Someone asked me how I changed. It was harder to find out than I thought, but my here’s my attempt:

Anyone who met me 2 years ago might still know me as the “eye roller”. As someone sort of judgemental, often hard-nosed and impatient. It wasn’t easy to find a compromise with me. Most of all, I used to be annoyed by bubbly, overly energetic, happy people, and positive- thinkers. There was something about that attitude that I thought wasn’t natural and authentic. I thought acting that way 24/7 was not combinable with real life. I was convinced that these people couldn’t look problems, facts and reality in the eye and were only covering up their shit.

Step 1: Curiosity

Multiple factors changed: The people I surrounded myself with and me realizing that there is not upside to simply thinking “life sucks”.

I tried to observe and understand the people that I at first “didn’t get”. The energetic, open, positive kind of people. Why were they less frustrated, annoyed and angry? Why were they so easy to cooperate with, why was there so little resistance? Why did they seem so much more balanced, at peace and less explosive? I started admiring them.

I got tired of my own attitude. I realized hanging out with someone who constantly points out negative things sucks. I didn’t want to be that person. But I didn’t believe the things I told myself. I didn’t believe that “things would turn out just fine” or that “every day is a good day to have a good day”. I believed that when something sucked, it sucked.

I used to get angry, annoyed or frustrated due to the smallest incidents and miscommunications. I couldn’t get over it. Everyone who is even remotely like that version of me knows how much energy is wasted by reacting that way.

Step 2: Inspiration

You know that feeling when you read something between the lines or hear a seemingly unimportant sub sentence that turns on a light bulb in your head? That happened to me! About a year ago I started listening to podcasts, reading books, blogs and Instagram captions by people whose positivity seemed to reach me even through the internet. I was captured by the way they view life, take each moment as it comes and how they overcome adversity.  

I specifically remember a video by Amanda Bucci in which she talked about how she spilled coffee over her laptop, it broke and she missed her flight. She said, “Why sit here, be angry and frustrated about the situation, which might be annoying, when that changes absolutely nothing about it? You can always choose how you want to react.” Boom. It’s the way it is. Fucking feelings.

Step 3: Choice

Somehow that stuck with me. I started enjoying the good things about tough situations, I started taking myself less seriously, I started cheering others up. The more I tried adapting that attitude, the more I believed, the less effort it took to choose that mindset every day. Gratitude is a huge part of that. Because I noticed how it changed the way I lived and the way I treated and influenced others.

Thinking positively doesn’t automatically solve all problems, but it creates more energy and determination towards them. It creates a space and vibe around you that people rather like to be part of. Waking up every day with a smile still sounds childish to me. But I do. (at least mentally 😉) I create bubbliness, positivity and energy, by choice. I can be of much greater service to others and be a better company. I like to be around myself more. I’m not the number one person who drags me down and I’m definitely less explosive.

What I’m trying to say is, you can change. Practicing gratitude is more powerful than I thought. You might hate your job, but maybe it’s only temporary and part of your bigger mission? Your workout might have sucked, but hey, you were able to do it and at least you showed up! You might be dreading a full day of studying, but it’s part of your goal of getting that degree! In fact, while I wrote this post my whole work got deleted right when I was about to upload it. I was really upset for a moment, but I distracted myself, took a (few very) deep breaths and then got back at it. You can’t change the facts, can you?